Arrestception

I think Season 4 of Arrested Development is every bit as great as the seasons that came before it. Maybe even a little better. No seriously. Allow me to explain,

The reason why the reactions to S4 have been a little mixed is that Season 4 is one colossal story, and it’s hard to see the overall picture until you are a couple episodes in. The final result is a staggeringly dense web of coincidences, deceptions, and running jokes. The plot of Arrested Development S4 is as intricate as LOST, it just makes a lot more sense.

It’s easy to see why Arrested Development came in one massive 15 episode dump. It’s far easier to spot all the subtle jokes when you can watch the season in rapid succession. Next week I’m going to try and put Season 4 in Chronological order. The overall plot is a nearly Mementoesque mindfuck so it’ll take some effort to put it in a more conventional order. Here are some of the few consistencies to hold onto:

[Below Be Spoilers]

It’s all About Cinquo de Quatro

Cinquo de Quatro represents the chronological end of all characters storylines, even though it frequently wasn’t the last thing presented. In fact, Arrested Development led with Cinquo in one of it’s first scenes. Hats off to that kind of ballsiness in a comedy. Every single character’s storyline climaxes with Cinquo de Quatro, regardless of when it was actually presented. Michael and Gob are a slight exception to that, but Michael won’t remember anyway.

Meanwhile, the family meeting is the approximate beginning of modern events in the Bluth continuum, and one of the few times when everyone is in the same room.

It’s Fraud all the Way Down

Season 4 is interesting because all of the characters get their own seperate storyline and all of them are committing some kind of fraud. It’s like Game of Thrones if you swapped out the tits and gore for laughs and even more lies.

Let’s recap the frauds shall we?

Lucille compelled Buster to testify in favor of a ridiculous explanation of Lucille’s innocence. She also largely orchestrated George Sr’s fraud against the government. As it turns out she really is the mastermind.

George, Sr is simultaneously trying to gouge money from the government for land he doesn’t own and a border fence he won’t / can’t / hasn’t and never will build. On that same land, he’s also luring his executive type-A into his brutal sweat hut, changing himself out for his brother, and then charging thousands of dollars for lemonade.

Lindsey is in a perpetual state of fraud due to her shallow political beliefs that she never actually practices. That fraud is compounded when she swiftly takes up an exploitative relationship with Herbert Love who has the exact opposite political beliefs of the ones she’s assumed.

Tobias faces overwhelming pressure to give up on his delusional acting dreams, gives in for just a small moment, but then immediately returns to the delusions. Consequently, he almost instantly abandons his duty to help a group addicts recover and instead turns them into an acting vehicle. He keeps going even when it’s obviously putting a sweet disease bag like Debris in danger of relapse. Given that he’s supposed to love Debris, it makes you feel for Lindsey, slightly.

Michael’s lies all surround Rebel, he pretends to be a big shot producer, pretends to not know that he and George Michael are both after her, and even tries to secretely sabotage George Michael.

George Michael stumbles on his lie but then continues with it genuine Bluth aplomb. Fakeblock / faceblock allows George Michael to impress his friends, his Dad, get a house, and gives him a chance at Rebel. If only it weren’t a woodblock app.

Maeby‘s been a five year high school student. She hops on George Michael’s fakeblock lie, tries a seduce an underage cop as a (not really) underaged girl. She tricks her mother into thinking she’s a shaman. Oh, and she also pimps out her mother to a far-right politician, without telling her Mother about it.

Strangely, despite being such an accomplished liar Maeby is pretty easy to trick. George Michael manages to lie to her twice about the coincidence of him being her tutor and then fakeblock. More shamefully was Perfetto, who was pretty obviously full of shit, but still got past Maeby.

Buster does a rather unconvincing job of masking his insanity in attempt to persuade a variety of people to meet his rather, unique, emotional needs. On an unrelated note, I’ll say I didn’t quite know how they would fill a whole episode with Buster. My God was I wrong to doubt.

Lastly, it’d be hard have too many scenes with Gob. The romantic daisy chain of lies starts with Gob and uh… egg? Gob sleeps with plain, presumably deflowers her, and then uses her wedding to stage a big magic act. Of course, the act fails and Gob never marries yam. Granted, he was unconscious with a serious head injury, but he wouldn’t have married her anyway.

Meanwhile, rival Tony Wonder has reached ever greater heights of the magic world by pretending to be gay. So Gob also pretends to be gay to get close to Tony and sabotage him. The only sincere part of any of it is they end up falling in love.

The only note that rings false is Plant successfully completing the fraud circle, somehow having the guile to persuade Gob and Tony Wonder to consummate their love. Despite that, Tony and Gob make an absolutely adorable couple.

Strangely, Gob plays it kind of honest with the pop stars. He just hits them with a massive swarm of bees instead (accidentally). On the plus side, I doubt the bees ever lied to them. So they have that.

Cousin on Cousin Incest Makes Way for Sex Offender Status

Sex offender status was the recurring joke across a couple of different storylines. Two out of the three Funkes got hit with sex offender status. Then there’s George Michael’s unwitting romance by the colony of sex offenders at Sudden Valley. I wonder if each new season will have a new sexual deviance as its joke theme. A man can dream.

What Happens Now?

Masspire is going to go into hibernation. We’re going to work on building a bigger, better, and yet simpler site. We’ll have more details when it gets closer, but Masspire will likely be hibernating for about a month.

If you uploaded something recently, don’t worry, your work will be carried over into the new Season and ready to go when it arrives. You’ll like being part of the new season: the awards for being part of Masspire will trigger faster and will probably be larger.

Until then,

Brian / Squarejaw

First Season – Final Results

The results for the first season are here with the amount of money everyone received next to their band name. Only 1st through 3rd were due an award but because we decided to give everyone who qualified for Round Three $20 because that’s just the way we roll.

1.          Prolix – Hussy: $500

2.          EioN – Into the Fray: $250

3.          Adam Brock – Like Rain Like Rust: $100

4. (tie)   JRocit – the Boy Left Behind: $20

4. (tie)   Spiderlegs – A Piss Before Dying: $20

5.          The Onesie – Grey Wool: $20

6.          Squarefish – Olive Juice: $20

7.          Tony C’Debaca – Go to Hell: $20

8. (tie)   LostintheString – A Wavering Line: $20

8. (tie)   Fantazzmo – Superman: $20

9.          Jebraun – Peyote Coyote: $20

10.        Guitarjelly – The Willies: $20

11.        Doc Brown Experience – Funkyness: $20

12.        Partyboys – Jackass: $20

Total:    $1,010

We learned a ton over our very first season. We’re ready to put that knowledge into action. Masspire is going to grow larger, the awards are going to grow larger, and the people who join us will grow larger.

If you’re reading this, thanks for being with us since our infancy. We’re not going to forget about the people who were with us from the beginning.

-Brian / Squarejaw

The Final Week!

Down to the Wire
We’re coming down to the wire and there’s still a lot could happen. Just a reminder, the competition ends on July 31st at midnight. The ones with the most upvotes win. First takes home $500, Second $250, Third $100, and everyone who doesn’t place takes home twenty (20) bucks. So even if you don’t win, you can at least buy dinner on us as our way saying “you’re still awesome.”

Here’s the standings as of right now. 

  1. Prolix – Hussy: 56
  2. EioN – Into the Fray: 49
  3. Adam Brock – Like Rain Like Rust: 14
  4. JRocit – The Boy Left Behind
  5. Spiderlegs – A Piss Before Dying: 10
  6. TheOnesie – Grey Wool: 10
  7. Squarefish – Olive Juice: 10
  8. Tony C’Debaca – Go To Hell: 10
  9. Fantazzmo – Superman: 7
  10. Lost In the String – A Wavering Line: 6
  11. Jebraeun – Peyote Coyte: 2
  12. Guitarjelly – The Willies: 2
  13. Doc Brown Experience – Funkyness: 1
  14. Partyboy – Jackass: 0
Masspire

The Final Round

Round Three is here, the finalists have been selected, and at the end of the month, money will go out to the winners.

So What Happens Now?

Round three ends at midnight July 31st and the rules are simple: the songs with the most upvotes wins. There are three spots that pay out money. However, we’re going to try and give out goodies to everyone who has qualified, and even to some of the people who qualified for Round Two.

The votes for all songs are going to be set down to zero and the songs that didn’t qualify are going to be locked. We’re going to add any votes received after the end of Round Two yesterday so you can feel free to go nuts… right now.

What’s In the Rules and What’s Not?

All finalists can get people to show up to the site to upvote their music. They’ll have to create an account first.

You cannot pay people to come to the site or create multiple accounts and use them to vote.

A Word of Caution: Don’t Mess With Us

We’re going to be watching very carefully. We are prepared to ban any of the finalists for cheating. If you don’t want that to happen, don’t cheat. Seriously. We are prepared to get mean if we have to.

Good Luck!

You’re all deserving but only three can win. Good luck getting there.

 

The Results Are In

Round Two is over. It wasn’t easy separating out everyone who qualified, but we did. Here are the finalists:

  1. prolix – hussy
  2. EioN – Into the Fray
  3. Indian and the Pale Ales – The Willies
  4. Adam Brock – Like Rain Like Rust
  5. Doc Brown Experience – Funkyness
  6. Squarefish – Olive Juice
  7. LostintheString – A Wavering Line
  8. Partyboys – Jackass
  9. The Onesie – Grey Wool
  10. JRocit – The Boy Left Behind
  11. Spiderlegs – A Piss Before Dying
  12. Tony C’Debaca – Go to Hell
  13. Fantazzmo – Superman
  14. Jebraun – Peyote Coyote

More to come tomorrow. Round Three is here.

Round Two!

Round One is at an end. We got a lot of really amazing submissions. The Beta Season did wonders for our faith that small artists are capable of creating awesome things.

Here’s a List of All the Songs that Qualified:

  1. Perfectly Broken
  2. lyric
  3. hussy
  4. Where Are You
  5. Into the Fray
  6. Cross Walk
  7. The Willies
  8. Like Rain Like Rust
  9. Funkyness
  10. Insanity
  11. Mintberry Slush
  12. Heavy Groove
  13. Olive Juice
  14. Note From Her
  15. Everything
  16. Kristy Ray
  17. Already Home
  18. A Wavering Line
  19. Jackass
  20. Space Journey
  21. Grey Wool
  22. The Boy Left Behind
  23. A Piss Before Dying
  24. Go to Hell
  25. Superman
  26. Peyote Coyote
  27. Under an Atom Bonding

For those of you who didn’t make it into Round Two, we still hope you’ll come back to us during our next Season, when we drop another upgrade into the site and bring about some really exciting changes. There were a lot of songs we liked that just didn’t get quite enough love. That may change in a new season…

Unfortunately, we didn’t get enough submissions with video to trigger the next Round of competition. For all you video people, we’ll move your submissions into the next season, so you won’t lose your shot.

Round Two ends on July 7th. Round Three will go from July 8th – 31st. The prize for 1st is $500. Best of luck.

-Squarejaw

One Last Day

Everyone has until 12 tommorow to qualify for Round Two, and fifty votes gets you there.

Push! So many of you are so very close. You can do it!

We’re rooting for you.

-Squarejaw

Home Strech

The First Round of our Beta season is going to come to an end on 06/30/12. Music is doing well, but it doesn’t seem likely that Video is going to receive enough submissions to activate.

$850 in total is up for grabs, and it won’t be a lot longer before someone will get it.